I am

Okay, this week we were suppose to write a poem about ourselves, and I found this to be my hardest poem to write.  I don’t even think I did it right, but this what I had. I think it sucks!

I am a hard working student who loves to laugh
I wonder how I will do this year
I hear my brains clicking
I see the brightness of my future
I want to want to succeed
I am a hard working student who loves to laugh

I pretend I am always in control
I feel like I’m swimming in quicksand sometimes
I touch the hearts and minds of others
I worry that I am not good enough
I cry when one of my family is in pain
I am a hard working student who loves to laugh

I understand I cannot save everyone ignorance and apathy
I say I still need to try
I dream of being the best person I can be
I try to make everything I do interesting
I hope I never stop caring
I am a hardworking student who loves to laugh.

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1 comment so far ↓

#1   jenny abeles on 11.01.11 at 5:46 pm

hi michelle. i like this poem. some of these lines feel very raw, such as, “I hope I never stop caring” and “I worry that I am not good enough.” personally, i like it such cris de coeur, words that come directly out of the heart.

keep working on this one for your portfolio–i think it’s my favorite of yours so far! there are just a couple cliches here: “being the best person I can be” and “the brightness of my future.” spend time rethinking how to convey these notions in unexpected language. also, every line begins with “i,” which isn’t necessarily a problem, but you might want to consider if there are ways to say these things without seeming so focussed on that pronoun.

i really like the juxtaposition of a hardworking person who loves to laugh–could you tell a little anecdote that displays these qualities?

good writing!

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