Portfolio 3

December 18, 2011

Michelle.adhar@yahoo.com

Madhar100@qc.cuny.edu

Dear Professor Abeles,

            When I was first told that we would have to write our own stories, I was very excited.  Writing short fiction wasn’t a difficult at first, but got difficult as time went by. We had done a lot this semester and I would have to say writing these short stories was the most difficult for me. My first short- long story was in third person point of view. I found it harder to write in third person point of view. My second short story was in first person point of view and I found it easier to write this way.  Choosing a topic/ title to write about for my second short story was very hard. My first short story was on love, hated, relationships which were my topics from the beginning of the semester and I didn’t want to have the same theme again. My favorite topics to write about had always been about love and relationships, I don’t really know why.

            My favorite part of this class was when we did poetry. Writing poems wasn’t at all difficult for me because I have my own poetry book. I write poems whenever I am free, it could be consider as one of my hobbies. Most of poems were always about love, as you had seen in most of my writing this semester.  I am taking a poetry class next semester, so I shall see where that takes me. Hopefully I will write poems on many new themes and not on love.

            My first short- long story was “The Son He Always Wanted” and writing this wasn’t hard. I knew what I wanted to happened, how to end it and how to make it seem as a real life situation. I made it a writing that either some can related to or had heard about.  Week to week, I got comments and used those comments to made it better. Two comments which were taken into deep consideration was my grammar, past tense and how to make the characters more real. I always had problems dealing with past tense, for some reason I can’t stick in one tense.  I was told to expose the characters appearance in the beginning instead of having it till in the end because this will gave the audience some hints about the character. I added dialogues between the characters more, instead of having it as I was telling the whole story. I hate it when there are no dialogues between characters, but at the same time I found it so hard to do.  After I got this part taken care of, I was told that they should be a more detailed scene from the marriage.  Which was really hard to do, but I still tried a lot. I added details about where they got married, what went on during the first few months of marriage and created a perfect marriage. I also cut out a few things that just dragged the story. I cut out details or made them shorter. Past tense was another big issue, which I always had trouble doing as you may had seen. In my opinion I don’t think my tense is a hundred percent perfect but it’s better than before. Hope it isn’t that horrible after all.

            My second short story “The Narrow Escape” was way easier to write about. It was easier to write about because it was in first person point of view and the only important character there was me. There weren’t any dialogues but that’s because there was just me. I hope that you enjoy reading this story. Keeping up with the tense was quite hard in this story too, but at the same time easier to correct and fix. Originally this story was five pages and when I looked back the website I wasn’t supposed to pass two pages, and yet it did. Hope it doesn’t count against me.

            Overall this class and professor were both great. This was my best English class since my college years. I enjoyed how this class let us be creative in our own way without having many rules to follow. There were rules but not like other English class that I had before. I loved how we wrote blogs from the computer, it didn’t felt like an intensive writing class compared to others. I would have preferred if we could of handed in more works and got feedback instead just from the blogs, if you know what I mean.  The weekly readings, some were interested and the others was just a drag, just my opinion.  This class has been fun and a great learning experience. I’m looking forward for my poetry class next semester. I’m also looking forward to working together with you to get our stories publish. Thanks for making this a great class.

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The Narrow Escape.

            On January 5th, my family and I went on a trip to Alaska. It was big family gathering and a lot of my cousins were there. After we got settled one of my cousin said:

“Let’s go camping, one of my friends got a cabin in the woods that we can have for the weekend.”

            I was sixteen years old and was so excited because I had never gone camping especially in the winter, which sounded weird at the time.  But like everyone I was anxious to go and experienced my first camping trip. Six of my cousins and I started to pack. I took my ski, sleeping bag, marshmallows, can foods, etc.  We left early Saturday morning. It took us about six hours to reach the cabin, where we stayed at. Along the way I saw caribous, elks, foxes and bears.  It was cold, everything was frozen, and ice and snow was all over the place. We arrived at the cabin late in the evening, we unpacked and we got settled in. Then a few of my cousins and I went exploring around the cabin. The cabin was situated deep in the woods; there was a river that runs along with it, which was also frozen with ice. That evening we gathered sticks for the fire. We all sat around the fire and had dinner which was can soup and roasted turkey. One of my cousins was telling stories of wolves around the area, I guessed he was trying to scare us because most of us were from the city and we didn’t know much about wolves.

               I couldn’t fall asleep because the excitement was still in me, so I lay awake for a while. Around midnight, I got out of bed and stepped outside. It was a moonlight night, as I walked towards the river I felt the cool air on my face and decided to go skiing, I love skiing. I used to go skiing by myself back home. So I rushed back to the cabin, glanced inside and saw that everyone was fast asleep. I grabbed my ski, went outside, putted them on and started to ski.  I skied up the river bank and onto the river bed, which was frozen with ice so I decided to ski along the river bed.  As I skied along the riverbed, I felt the cool wind was blowing on me. Everything was quiet; every tree branch had ice on it. Everything was gleaming from the moon light; it was wonderful sight to see. As I skied away from the cabin, I didn’t felt like turning back, so I decided to explore the river. The river had several sharp turns; there were a lot of fallen broken branches and icy bumps in the river.

                After an hour of skiing I decided to turn back.  As I was about to turn back, I heard a howl which sent a chill up my spine. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked over my shoulder; I hadn’t seen anything at first so I started skiing slowly towards the cabin when I heard the second howl. I looked again over my shoulder and I saw several tiny eyes were looking at me. I was so scared; I gathered all my strength and dug my ski poles into the ice and trusted with all my might to get out of there. After a few quick strides I looked back and saw to my horror that I was being chased by a pack of vicious wolves. There were as many as ten or twelve wolves that were chasing after me, and the race was on. I was racing for my life to get out of there.

                The night was so quite that I had heard them gasping for air as they ran after me. I heard their nails were scraping on the ice as they were chasing me.  I was moving as fast as I could, ducked under broken branches that hanged over the river bed, vaulted over icy rocks. As I was skiing I was being more careful than ever to not stumble on anything for that would of have been very fatal for me. I could sense that the wolves were catching up on me. I didn’t know what to do, but was just hoping to get out of this alive.  For all I knew, no one knew that I was out there all alone. Should something had happen to me out there, no one would found me.  I felt like to scream for help but I knew that no one was there to hear me.

             As I skied down the river I glanced back and saw that the lead wolf of the pack was big and black with long vicious white teeth that gleamed in the moonlight. He was much closer to me than I had thought.  He was about to sprang onto me when I made a sharp turn in the river bed and this sent him and the others to started skating away from me. But they had soon gathered themselves and started after me again. It was another five minutes of chase when I reached another sharp turn in the river and this sent them skating away from me again.                

              I, then realized that wolves couldn’t make sharp turn on ice while running fast and that I had an edge on them so every time when they were about to reached me I made sharp turn, and this sent them skating away from me, in so doing I was able to gain some distance away from them .This helped me to regain myself and gave me confidence that I would be able to get out of this   As I had gotten closer to the cabin I heard voices. I guessed they had found out I was missing and they were out looking for me. With all those noises I looked back and saw that the wolves turned around and went back into the woods.  I reached the cabin took off my skis and met my cousins. We went in and I related my story to them, which sounded fascinated to them.  They were all excited to have seen me back safe and sound. They had checked to see if I was bitten. I was warned not to venture out into the woods alone.

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The Son He Always Wanted

                         Twenty years ago Kevin and Ciara became husband and wife. They had a beautiful wedding in Las Vegas, and everything was perfect in their lives. They went to Hawaii for the honeymoon, and made the most memorable memories of their lives.

                        During their first few months of marriage, they went out every weekend and lived life to the fullest. Kevin planned surprises for his wife from time to time. Many kept saying that they were couple made in heaven. He always brought flowers for her when he came home from work.  They tried to keep each other happy, even if it would had pained themselves in doing so.  There wasn’t one occasions, holidays where they didn’t do anything for each other. They respected each other, fulfilled each other’s desires. It was said by many that nothing would come between these couples and they could fought against anything that came in their way.

                       Ciara was a type of person that would always had things her way, or else it ended badly. If she didn’t get something no one else could have gotten it. Kevin was man to his words, and stood by them and he wanted others to have done the same. Ciara was a person who told lies to get things her way and got caught when doing so. Kevin made it clear that in order for the marriage to succeeded, her lies needed to stop.  They both had made promises to each other and stated what to in the relationship.

“Ciara, we are married now, but let’s get one thing clear. I hate lies, I will always be faithful to you, and be only yours. I’m a one woman person. There is only one thing I want from you, and that is a son.” These words were said by Kevin.

“Babe I love you and will fulfill your wish, and that’s one more promise I make to you and I will not lies and betray your trust. This marriage will work and be perfect.” Ciara said

“Okay and remember I hate when someone can’t keep their promise, so be sure to keep yours or the worst side of me will come out and don’t lie.”

                      Two years later after marriage, Ciara gave birth to their first child, Melanie. Kevin was happy that Ciara made him a father, and Ciara was filed with joy because she had always wanted her first child to be a girl.

“Ciara, I am father, all thanks to you. I will always cherish this moment and remember it forever. But I want to be a father again and I want a son, please fulfill your promise you had made to me. Don’t forget to fulfill your promise, because that is my dream we are talking about.”

  As time went by they realized they were getting closer and closer to one another because of Melanie. After Melanie turned one year old, Kevin decided that he wanted another child and that it should be a boy. Ciara wanted to fulfill her husband wish because she knew that ever since a kid, Kevin wanted a son and that was a promise she had made to him.

“I understand you want a son, but can’t we wait till Melanie is older like three years. I don’t want to go through this pain again, well at least this quick.”

“How long do you expect me to wait? I want a son right away and we will keep trying until I have a son. I don’t care if you have to get pregnant twenty times, but I want my wish to be fulfilled and that’s final.”

                      On October 31st, Ciara got pregnant again and this time it was worse than she had ever imagined. She had high blood pressure and fever; had vomiting and her legs were always swollen. The doctor had even told her this pregnancy was risky and could ended being fatal. She was scared, and thought about abortion because she didn’t wanted to risk her life. She spoke to her mother, who advised her to that abortion would be the best choice. Ciara had made up her mind, and didn’t discuss it with her husband, whom she had always discussed her problems with it. Ciara knew to herself that if she lied to her husband, it would be bad, but still had done it.  Ciara went to her doctor and made an appointment for an abortion, which would be on November 20th.

            On November 10th, which was Ciara’s birthday, Kevin decided to take her out for a beautiful dinner.  Ciara kept feeling guilty, about not telling Kevin anything, but if she told him, he would go against it. While they walked towards the car, Ciara realized that she had forgotten her phone and purse in the drawer upstairs.

 “Honey I will be right back, I’m going to get my purse I forgot it upstairs”, said Ciara.

“Don’t worry I will get it for you babe, times like this I have to take good care of you because you are going to give me a son.” said Kevin.

 Kevin went upstairs; he pulled the drawer and saw papers for an abortion. Kevin was in shocked and yelled out loud.

            Kevin and Ciara started to have a big argument. He started to curse and yelled at her, called her the biggest liar he had ever known.

 “You have deceived me more than you will ever know. I have never lie to you or kept any secret from you, so why in hell would you? Who knows what else you have done, or kept from me? Perhaps you wanted to have an abortion because this would be-child isn’t even mine. I had told you right from the beginning of this marriage I hate lies, and you still had the nerves to lie to me. What if I betrayed you now? I should go to a next woman to get me a son. Would you like if I had done that.” said Kevin.

“Betrayed me? You had said you were a one-woman person. Just for a son, you would leave you your wife and family. You can never do such a thing I know you too well. You are just angry. Yes I didn’t tell you anything, but if I had would you let me go through with all this and your answer would have been NO. I know you want a son, but I’m sorry this is my life we are talking and I can’t deal with this right now.”

Ciara was deeply hurt by his words and left for her mother’s place. After a few hours, Kevin was calmed and decided to bring Ciara back home. Ciara came home and they talked calmly about the abortion. Kevin decided that if this was his child, he had the right to be involved in any decision and that no abortion would take place. Ciara pleaded and told him about the situation and what the outcome would be. Kevin decided that he wanted her to go through with the pregnancy, no matter the outcome because he wanted a son no matter what.

“If you don’t go through with this pregnancy, matters will get worse and there won’t be a good outcome. You know how much I loved you, don’t hurt me. Consider it as a warning, babe.”

 Ciara was upset, but didn’t think she had a choice and went through with her pregnancy. The atmosphere in their house had changed so much; there was no more laughter, joy and happiness. Ciara felt as if she had lost her husband trust and had pushed him away. Each day Ciara’s condition kept getting worse and worse.

                       One day Ciara started to write a diary and left it for her child, if things didn’t turn out the way she wanted. She wrote a letter to her husband stating that if he had to make a choice as of whom to saved, let it be the baby.  Each day Ciara lived it as if it was her last day; she bonded more with her daughter. She tried to make her husband happy and served him as soon as he had gotten home from the office, but the atmosphere of the house still hadn’t changed.

                       On a rainy, stormy Ciara was in pain and was rushed to the hospital. She was taken into the emergency room, but before she had let go of her husband hand she said to him:

“There is a letter in my bag, please read it before making any decision.”

 Her hand slowly slipped away from her husband’s hand, and she was taken to the operation room.  Kevin was left in tears after he read his wife letter. The doctor came out of the operation room and said to Kevin:

 “It is very difficult to say both the mother and child, who would you like for us to safe.”

I would like my son to be safe no matter what”, said Kevin.

The doctor looked at Kevin with disappointment.

“We aren’t sure the gender of the baby, due to the fact it wasn’t shown clearly in the sonogram”, said the doctor.

Kevin was a hundred percent sure this child was a boy, and he would be happiest man on earth, since his dream and wish would be fulfilled.  After two hours, the doctor came out of the operation room, and broke the news to Kevin.

            The doctor said to Kevin:

“We were able to save both your wife and daughter”.

 Kevin was shocked, and didn’t believe that his wife had given birth to another girl, despite the fact that he wanted a boy. Kevin refused to see his wife and daughter, and said to Ciara’s mother:

“She should have died, instead of giving birth to another girl. She had promised that she would give me a son and it’s a girl again. Don’t expect me to be happy.”

“Don’t get angry son-in-law, next time it can be a boy. Be happy and thankful that both your wife and daughter are safe and out of danger.”

“You are just like your daughter to tell lies; you and I both know for sure that she will not want to go through another pregnancy after this one, even if the condition will be better.”

“Okay, just calm now. Perhaps she will think twice about it, but she cares about you and wants to fulfill your wish no matter what. Just calm down and talk with her. Everything will fall into place.”

                After a few hours, Kevin was calm and decided to see his wife and new born daughter, Melissa. Kevin made it clear to Ciara that she had to get pregnant again, until she gave him a son. Ciara looked at Kevin with nervousness and told him that getting pregnant again is impossible because she couldn’t have more kids. Kevin was disappointed, but will be there for Ciara and his two daughters, even though his wish wasn’t fulfilled by the love of his life.

            Ciara was finally taken home, and she felt her family is complete. Little did she knew, that things would had gotten worse than she had ever imagined.  As time went by, she realized and had sense that something wasn’t right between her and Kevin.  Everyday Kevin came home late from the office didn’t spend time with his family like he had before. As soon as he came home, he had dinner by himself, and went straight to bed and didn’t spoke a word. He was always late for his date with Ciara, and got angry for no reason.  It had been nine months now and Ciara started to become suspicious, as to why her husband was acting in this manner.

                   One sunny afternoon, Kevin was getting dressed to go out, and told Ciara he had a meeting with one of his clients.  Ciara knew to herself, that Kevin never had meetings on Sunday afternoon, and that was usually their day to go out. Kevin left slammed the door without even a word to his wife or his two beautiful daughters. Ciara suspicion had increased and she called over her mother to watch her kids, while she went out. Ciara decided to follow her husband and checked where he was headed. Ciara saw that Kevin had driven past his office, and she wondered where he is departed to.

            Kevin stopped in front of a house, got off his car, and walked towards the house. He had the keys to the house, opened the door and went in. Ciara got out of her car, and followed him. She looked through the window, and had the biggest shocked of her life. Not hadn’t know what to feel or act, she went inside the house. There she found her love of life in the arms of another woman, all she did was stared and cried. She yelled “Kevin”, where he turned around and his face was white as a ghost. Ciara didn’t know how to reacted, what to said and whatever came to her mind she spoke

“What the hell are you doing? Is this what you call leaving for work you bastard? How could you do this to me and our two daughters? Don’t you have any shame at all? You are a fucking liar and a cheat. I am taking my kids and leaving you. You can stay with this fucking whore and this ugly ass little boy, that this whore have.”

Kevin found it hard to believe that she said all of those words to him, and slapped her.

“Who the hell do you think you come in someone home and behave like this, and then you speak about shame? You are the biggest liar I know, imagine you wanted to kill my own child and refused to let me know about it. And this boy you just call ugly is my SON, who you couldn’t give me, which you know I always wanted. And this whore you called happens to be my life because unlike you, she fulfills my wish. You are so stupid to think that I would of have stay with you, when you couldn’t give me the one thing I asked for?  As far as I’m concerned no man would want a nasty, fucked up woman like you.  And don’t talk about lies, because you are the biggest liar and cheat of all. GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW AND LEAVE MY HOUSE. You are no longer part of my life, and those daughters are not mine.”

            Ciara left her husband, took her two daughters and went to her mother’s place. Two weeks later Ciara received divorce papers, and she decided not to sign them. Ciara was determined that as long as she was alive someone else couldn’t take her place in her husband’s life. As time passed, Ciara realized that the man she loved so much didn’t cared shit about her.  She went back to her husband’s place and tried to work things out. She was willing to compromise.

As she walked through the door, Kevin started to screamed “Get out of here”, Ciara being who she decided not to give up and talked to her husband calmly.

“Yes how can I help you?” says Kevin

Can we work things out? I’m willing to accept your new lady and her son. Please don’t let our marriage be ruined for little things. You would always say that we were soul mates, what happen? I’m not giving on you or this marriage and you will be mine or no one else” says Ciara

“We have been married for so long, and your right around marriage shouldn’t just be done like that. Perhaps if you hadn’t discovered my other life, things could still be the way it was. Since you found out everything, things have changed. You know that I’m a one woman person; I don’t share myself and be with two women at once. Yes our marriage was strong, filled with love and I did think that we was soul mates and be forever but destiny had something else planned for both of us. I’m sorry but I want to be with my son and his mother. Let me live my life and you live yours. Sign those divorce papers and start a new life with your daughters and leave me the hell alone. If you had given me a son, all of this wouldn’t have occurred, so just let it be.”

“Kevin, I have and will always love you, but I’m not giving up on us and this marriage we had. So if I hadn’t found the truth out, you weren’t planning to tell me about it. I can’t believe you became like this. You are not the man I married. It’s easy for you to start a new life, but I have two daughters with me, the least you can do is be a part of their lives and help support them. Are you just going to be a coward and shut them off your life?”

“I don’t know if I would have told you the truth, perhaps no, but that don’t make a difference now. And HELL NO! I’m not going to be a part of your daughter’s life, I just want to have one family and been with them. Sign those divorce papers and get out of my house.”

“I don’t even have the guts to tell my kids you disown them. You will not be happy I promise that much. I will not leave you alone, if I don’t have you no one will.”

“For God’s sake, stop blabbering rubbish and get out of my house.”

Ciara left the house, and drove away. Ciara was a person, who always had her way.  She felt as if she had lost her husband and that was the end. She signed the divorce papers, but she didn’t allow her husband to live a peaceful life.

                       One stormy night, she sneaked into her husband’s house, went into his room and just stared at him. She leaned over him kissed him, and whispered into his ears “I love you, but if I wasn’t going to get you, no one else would. I’m sorry”. She took the pillow and suffocated him to death, but that wasn’t the end of it.  She went back to her mother’s house and killed her two daughters the same way. Having nothing left in her life, she hanged herself to death right beside her daughter’s bed.

 

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2 comments ↓

#1   jenny abeles on 01.03.12 at 5:10 pm

Hi Michelle. I’m glad the class was so successful for you, and I want to commend you for your dedication to your work in it, apparent in your attendance record and timely, committed posts from week to week. You have worked hard and earned an A.

I think your revisions on “The Son He Always Wanted” were effective, and I appreciate how willing you always are to look at your work and revise it again and again. I assure you that this will go far in your development as a thinker and a writer.

“The Narrow Escape” is very exciting, and you have the opportunity to include many sensual, exotic details, as a frosty, moonlit wolf chase certainly is not without an exotic flavor—almost like a fairy tale. If you continue working on this story, I’d also like to hear more about this plucky hero/heroine. Except through he actions, we know very little about her—even her reaction to the experience is a bit vague. So some time spent develooping her character would improve the story, I think. It’s a great start.

I hope you enjoy your poetry class next semester and find things other than romance and relationships to write about!

#2   elaine1995 on 09.05.13 at 1:51 pm

The camping experience was awesome. Your writing makes me keep reading from line to line. I feel like I was watching a horror movie of scary wolves chasing human!

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